In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
