His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
