remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
