why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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