Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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