We're facebook friends in real life
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
