Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
