Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
