I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
