i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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