did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
