bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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