Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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