Dual....:-)
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
