is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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