I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
