I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
