His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
