You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
