I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
