I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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