dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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