yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
