My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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