This is not my ceiling
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
