i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
