eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
