I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
