It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
