You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i've created a new STD.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
