In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
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