Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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