forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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