its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
