My Higher Power is John Stamos
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
