I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
