You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everything about him screamed your future.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
