i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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