my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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