I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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