That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
