life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
