She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
