We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
