Will you blow on my dice?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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