I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
