i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
