I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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