we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
