"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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