morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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