I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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