Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
